Hi there! We get lots and lots of messages that aren’t facts, but we try to keep this blog JOKES ONLY. We aren’t really interested in becoming an advice or political blog, because it would detract from our message. And if we answered all the questions and responded to every message we got we’d be busy all the time AND/OR flooding your dash.
However, I’ve been wanting to do some long posts where I reply to our messages in one go. I can’t get to everything, especially not all at once, so I’m going to do it in bits and pieces.
First off I’d like to introduce myself. I am one of the two moderators for FAQ. The other is busy doing important school things, and I just moved into Chicago, so we’re trying to keep the queue updated but if it runs out I WARNED YOU (and we’ll be back in no time, promise). My name is Charlee, and you can check out my personal blog here and my art blog here. My opinions can be pretty… well, I get mad. If you don’t like getting angry don’t look at my personal blog. Me, I like getting angry sometimes. Getting upset helps you examine why you have the opinions you do, and even change yourself for the better. Anyway, if you have any more personal questions or advice feel free to send it to my personal blog and I will FO SHO answer you there. My co runner is not answering questions, just me! LETS GET THIS SHIT STARTED.
QUESTIONS ABOUT ASEXUALITY, WE’VE GOT A LOT OF THEM
Anonymous asked: Hey. I don’t know a lot about asexuality so I have some questions : Does asexual people never want to have intercourses ? Or maybe they want it only when they’re really in love with someone ? Does it mean they don’t feel pleasure during the act ? (i hope i didn’t come as rude or offensive, if so i’m sorry i didn’t want to !)
Anonymous asked: I was just wondering if you could explain demisexuality in a post, if not that’s fine! It’s just that I get constantly picked on and verbally abused for identifying as. Everyone seems to think it doesn’t exist and it’s just the way people should act in general, not a sexuality. I get a lot of mean messages from people telling me that demisexuality isn’t real and I just want to feel special. I was thinking if you could just type something up maybe people would take the time to read it, thanks!
To start, I’m not asexual. I do recommend reading through these blogs if you have questions (please read before you ask them something) Asexual Advice and Asexual Education. From what I understand from my discussions with and reading of asexual bloggers:
Some asexual people do want to have intercourse. Some asexuals are indifferent to it. Some asexuals use the identifier ‘repulsed’ to indicate that they find sex all around gross and are totally not interested at all. Many asexuals are not interested at all but don’t find it gross. People define their asexuality in a lot of different ways, there is not just one way to be ace. Intercourse can bring two people closer, connect you to yourself and someone else in new ways, and feel dang good if you like that sort of thing. They can feel pleasure, of course. Many asexual people masturbate. Asexual people can and do have sex and can and do enjoy it. Some people may feel uncomfortable with that pleasure, or feel completely unattached emotionally to it, or just not really feel anything at all. Asexy sex is as diverse as sexual sex!
Demisexuals and some ‘grey a’s will be interested in sex if they feel a deep emotional connection to someone. This does not mean love necessarily. It also does not mean that they always want to have sex with only people they are committed to, or that once they fall in love they will want to have sex.
There is a misunderstanding that demisexual means only interested in sex if they feel connected to someone, and therefore demisexual is ‘regular sexuality’.
One : there is no regular sexuality. We may not have a common term yet for people who have low and regular sex drives, unrelated to their sexuality, but demi and ace are not those terms.
Two: The explanation of ‘once I feel connected to someone’ is an oversimplification demisexuals use. An actual explanation is quite verbose and not necessary most of the time, and for many, tricky to understand and even trickier to explain. I recall reading an account from a demisexual who explained that they’ve felt definite sexual attraction two times in their life, and they had multiple long term relationships and were approaching 40.
Anonymous asked: Hi, this isn’t actually a question, but I wasn’t sure where else to put it. So I really really love this tumblr. And it’s all kinds of amazing that there are so many ace facts. I’ve always felt sort of not included in the whole queer label, and forget being acknowledged by general media. So hey, thanks. :)
I’ve followed a couple ‘debates’ about whether or not aces are queer. Most people think that if you’re queerromantic and ace, you’re queer, but if you’re heteroromantic and ace, you’re not queer. This is silly. Being queer isn’t about how oppressed or misunderstood you are. It’s a community, a term, about empowerment, learning, and understanding among Gender and Sexuality Minorities. Aces are queer if they feel queer. I love that there are so many ace facts! It must be a FACT… Aces perform a secret ritual to turn their sexual prowess into humor!
Anonymous asked: What about demisexuals? I love this blog but, I searched and couldn’t find anything for demisexuals
Silly, just go to the YAY TAGS page, and click Demisexuality. Of course we encourage you to submit more, and please select the proper tags! :D
Anonymous asked: Are you the fact sphere?
I didn’t even know what this was till like a month ago. No.
Anonymous asked: How do you know if you’re gay? I was recently asked if I was a lesbian and I’ve thought about girls before in that way but i’ve never liked a girl in real life… I said no to the question but I can’t help thinking about it more and more…
You say ‘you’ve never liked a girl in real life’, does that mean you’ve found girls attractive before, online or just from a distance? You could be bisexual but heteroromantic, for example. Or you could be fluid. Or you could just be ‘mostly straight’. Feel free to experiment with your identity, keep in mind sexuality can change, but never put a label on yourself that you aren’t comfortable with.
thisgoesuncharted asked: Is it possible for someone to be a pan romantic lesbian. Like I always fall for different genders but i can only be with girls sexually.
Anything is possible, because you are possible! If that’s how you feel, then it’s possible. Panromantic Homosexual would be a technical term if you’re curious, and of course whatever you feel comfortable using in day to day life.
Anonymous asked: I’m not super offended, but pansexual = higher sex drive is really kind of a shitty stereotype. Hot for anything that moves, can’t keep your legs together, can’t keep in in your pants, just so darned oversexed that you can’t contain your attraction to people of just one gender. “Pansexual people only exist to pick up all of the extra sex Asexual people leave behind”? Sad panda.
It is a shitty stereotype, and so is the stereotype that Ace people never have sex (they do! and they can enjoy sex!). Even some of the sillier jokes make me/others uncomfortable because there’s the ‘some people actually believe this shit’ behind it. But we can’t let other people’s ignorance interfere with our ability to poke fun at ourselves (I am omnisexual by the way).
Anonymous asked: Please tell me that this is a joke.
This is a joke.
(if you are one of the 50 other anon messages asking if this is a joke please pretend the above answer was to your question thank you in advance)
I am going to post some positive responses. If I can’t think of a specific response to you, just know that I give you LOTS OF HUGS AND THANKS. Lots of hugs and thanks to all of you for reading, and super thanks to you for writing <3
huntertweed asked:Thanks for listening to the QPoC instead of getting defensive. <3
Absolutely. If anything on here makes you feel uncomfortable, let us know. We are happy to examine any facts posted and delete them, change them, or explain it. We do miss some things, and we can’t see from some viewpoints. Disclaimer: if your complaint is ‘this is offensive and not true’ then you are probably not our target audience/get the joke (hint it is supposed to be not true that is the joke).
Anonymous asked: My doctor is gay and he actually told me to look this tumblr up. Glad I did! haha.
DOCTOR RECOMMENDED. MEDICALLY APPROVED. FACTS ABOUT QUEERS ;D
ramblin-girl asked: Your response post is amazing. Thank you so much for providing this safe space. I’ve been through safe space training and all of these serious forums/arenas. Having a place of laughter, of joy, and even of hope frequently makes my day. So thank you! Thank you so much for your time, your wit, and your blog. Yours Queerly,
Anonymous asked: See now, I am greatly offended by this good-natured ribaldry. I must insist you remove these ruminations from this aetheroscape at once. Come now, tut tut
Anonymous asked: I would like you to remove your post about all asexuals being Sherlock Holmes in disguise. By doing so, you have put John, Mrs. Hudson, and DI Lestrades all in very grave danger. Please refrain from saying such things in the future. -SH
voodoocahoots asked: Regarding the anon that thought this blog could put people off learning about queer folks, I think you said it well; that if they didn’t want to learn then they wouldn’t anyway. I love this blog ‘cause of the ridiculous posts ‘cause indeed there are so many times in media and the net that people try to make fun and put us down that really, if you can laugh at yourself and the stuff they say a little, they can start to feel stupid when it doesn’t work. That’s just a bonus, this blog makes my day.
knightspendid asked: In response to the anon question you just got worrying that this blog might discourage research, I honestly have found the opposite to be true. My friends and I love this blog, and before following it we didn’t know what “gender fluid” meant at all. After it appeared in several facts, we were curious enough to look it up. I think you actually encourage research, especially since you post about all sorts of queers that people in general don’t always know about. Keep up the good work! <3
kittyquerida asked: I was reading your blog and my boyfriend comes up behind me and goes “wait, seriously!?” Hilarity ensued. Thank you. haha
atwistedbitch asked: Well… since everyone has decided to take this blog and make it into a war-zone I’m just gonna be nice and say this: I AM A FUCKING FAGGOT AND I FUCKING LOVE THIS FUCKING BLOG TO FUCKING BITS~!!!! Because it makes me laugh… There is a lot of hate brought on by misunderstanding, not just for queers but for EVERYONE IN THE FUCKING WORLD. I think everyone should be able to take a step back and laugh at themselves sometimes, and this blog helps me do that.
Anonymous asked: Thanks to this blog, I got my first vibrator. It involved an awkward conversation about orgasms and rainbows.
You’re welcome for the orgasms!
weliveforpokemon asked: I would just like to say a big thank you to this blog. I have identified as asexual for two years but fell in love this year and didn’t know what to think. I believe that love is love and labels are way overrated, but it’s been hard knowing what to say when people ask me how I can be in a relationship and still be asexual. This blog led me to the word demisexual which I had never heard before. I now can sigh a big sigh of relief and call myself demisexual. Again, thank you, thank you!
NOT GETTING TEARY EYED IT’S JUST RAINING INSIDE THIS BUILDING
Labels are crappy if you apply them to someone else, but applying them to yourself and recognizing a part of yourself in a community is wonderful. It’s interesting how something that once seemed like a ball and chain becomes a key. It can be very freeing.
I love you all, and there will be more to come NEXT TIME ON QUESTIONS ABOUT QUEERS. QAQ, PRONOUNCED QUACK.